The First Time
by lilypotsandbees
Summary: A little three-part story on Nathan, Audrey, and Jordan. AU for making up some scenes.


The first time Jordan McKee talked to Nathan Wuornos, she knew they were meant to be. The way his fingers curled around her wrist when he touched her and the way he wasn't on the ground, roaring in pain. She failed to notice the lack of…well, anything on his face.

She spotted him again at the gas station, leaning on his pick-up truck and having idle conversation with Julia Carr, the doctor's daughter. It didn't seem to be particularly anything until the woman placed a friendly hand on his shoulder. Too friendly, Jordan seethed and her vision ran red, threatening to take over. One touch and that woman would be in so much pain…and then she saw the blank unfeeling look on his face and relaxed. Jordan McKee's first mistake was to feel special.

After all, she reasoned, there must be some reason that he couldn't feel her trouble, that he could touch her, that she could be touched. His shoulder appeared in the doorway to the Gun and Rose and she jumped up, her heart racing. Taking his hand, she searched his face eagerly, her heart rising when he gave her a small smile. A reaction. Twenty minutes later, he was on the phone as she watched his handsome face. She watched as his face fell and he rushed out the door, saying that it was an emergency with his partner. She didn't mind much—she was too busy staring at her hand.

The first time Jordan McKee heard Audrey Parker's name from Grady, her thought was to keep a lookout. With no picture reference, the name made its way to the back of her mind as she rushed to the Gun and Rose to wait for Nathan, He was late that day, walking in with a bandaged arm and looking especially solemn. She wanted to hug him for comfort but by then she'd realized that his inability to feel and thought better of it. For her, it was enough that he felt—no, touched—her.

The third time he left to help his partner, she confronted him. What was it about his damn partner? Why couldn't he handle the cases without Nathan? Why did Nathan have to be the one to help? His eye flickered with something briefly before he calmly answered, "Audrey is one of the best cops I know, but she attracts the weird ones." And then he was gone.

Audrey. The name had appeared again and rand alarm bells in Jordan's head. She swore under breath. Dangerous, indeed. But she hadn't seen any romantic connection between them so it was okay right? She pushed her doubts away and went upstairs to dream about her Nathan…and continued to let her mind fool her.

Nathan continued his nightly visits, asking more and more about the Guard and the troubles. She was content to wait for him to visit every night and hold his hand for her own comfort. But something inside of her longed for recognition of feeling in his eyes. She didn't let it really bother her though. He couldn't feel anything really, so she really had no right to be upset. At least he smiled at her and that was reaction enough.

His office was empty when she went to surprise him. She'd gotten greedy; waiting until the night was just too much and she'd come on a whim. She wanted to see him smile for her again (though she really did hate police stations). On her dejected way home, she noticed the familiar blue pick up truck and stopped and watched the group of cops from the car. They were inspecting what seemed to be a young teenage boy's body and she saw a flash of blond crouching near the body. She recognized Nathan immediately, tall stature and sharp jaw. His concentration was on the case and the examination, without wavering for a minute. Slowly, all the officers dispersed until there was Nathan and the other one crouching on the ground left. He—no it was a woman—rose and leaned on the pick up truck next to Nathan, who looked frustrated. She put her hand on his arm and smiled into the distance. Jordan was not prepared by any means for Nathan's reaction. His eyes fluttered closed at the blondes contact and he seemed to suck in a breath. He looked absolutely blissful and at peace when he opened his eyes, no inner turmoil appearing in the blue depths. Jordan shook with jealousy and anger at this woman, who could make Nathan's impassive look turn so soft at a touch. They were very close now (she, of course, noticed Nathan shifting closer) and with that she turned away and drove off. A picture of Audrey Parker was pinned on her wall, scribbled out.

So what? she grumbled to herself. It wasn't like they were actually romantically involved. She still had a chance…a chance that would be bigger if a pest named Audrey Parker didn't exist.

Nathan rushed into his car, Jordan hot on his heels. At that moment he didn't seem to notice because he was focused on driving as fast as he car. To Audrey Parker. Jordan didn't understand. What was so special about her? Nathan looked close to devastated, the most emotion she had seen on his face since…her touch. They met with that smuggler at the Harbor in less than five minutes, thanks to Nathan's reckless driving. Duke looked strangely like he'd been crying as he let them inside his boat. Even Jordan cringed when she saw the still body on the bed. Before she could say a comforting word to Nathan, he wasn't beside her anymore. His voice was broken and strangled as he repeated her name over and over. "Parker. Parker. Parker!…Audrey." The last time it was soft and his hand cradled her face. But Jordan couldn't help it. She couldn't feel sorry for Audrey Parker because right now, Jordan's Nathan was touching her. Hatred rushed through her but even Duke did not see it. His hand was on Nathan's shoulder, his own shaking with unshed tears. No one noticed when the space behind them was no longer occupied by the dark haired woman.

It took a month for Audrey Parker to recover from her near-death experience. Jordan knew because every single one of those days, Nathan did not show up at the door of the Gun and Rose. When he finally did, it was when Audrey and Duke had gone off to Colorado. He was upset, worried, and jealous. Jealousy was an attractive face on Nathan but oh, if only it was for her. He didn't blink an eye when she spoke praises of Grady but this look was different.

Surprisingly, Nathan lying dead on the floor didn't leave her too shocked. She cried, yes. But if she couldn't have him, no one could. It was a twisted thought but Jordan was a twisted person. It didn't even surprise her that Audrey confessed her love for her partner in front of her. But the stars were obviously against them too. Jordan took a slight comfort in that.

It took a few days for her to realize that her Nathan, that exceptional man, was never hers. Everything was for Audrey. Joining the Guard, befriending Jordan, getting killed…it was all for the woman Jordan could never be. And as much as Jordan hated Audrey Parker, she had to admit that she was a wonderful woman. Letting the love of her life try to find happiness without her, trying to leave for the good of everyone, even the terrible wretch that was Jordan. Then she stood up and pointed her gun at Nathan.

The first time Jordan realized Audrey and Nathan were meant to be, she'd broken them forever.


End file.
